On Grieving The Loss Of A Soul Dog

How To Wear A Tunic Sweater
By Jess
9 Feb 2022

It was exactly a year ago that I sat on the floor of my living room with Nora’s head in my lap as she drifted off into a deep sleep and took her last breath. It was a gift to be able to let her pass at home with the help of at home euthanasia, but it was also the hardest and worst decision of my life. What a beautiful and terrible thing. To have the immense privilege to end my dog’s suffering, and the indescribable pain to have to make that choice. Still when I think about it, my face gets hot, my nose gets runny and my eyes well with tears.

Over the last year I’ve had a lot of people reach out to me as they say goodbye to their pets, looking for words of comfort or advice, or simply to say they are broken and don’t know how to heal. Sometimes I think what I share might help. A part of me knows words can’t fix that kind of heartache. I think most of us just want to know there’s someone else who understands.

On Grieving The Loss Of A Soul Dog

How do you grieve the loss of a soul dog?

You move through it as best you can. Eventually it won’t feel so heavy, but a year later, there are times it feels just below the surface. The loss of Nora took me through a level of sadness and heartache I’ve never experienced. I honored my grieving process, and let it flow through and out of me. I cried a lot. Most days the best I could do was to write about what and how I felt. When we lose a human life we process the loss with wakes, funerals, and memorial services. When we lose an animal, a trusted and loyal companion, we don’t have the same rituals, so we must make our own.

The morning after Nora passed was the first time I received one of her signs (this book helped open my eyes and heart to the messages she was sending me). It was a family of deer in our yard. For days and weeks following Nora’s death I saw deer. Whenever I needed it most, there they were.

A few weeks ago we decided to rescue a puppy. Almost a year had passed since we said goodbye to Nora and we thought, if not now, when? I didn’t feel ready, but I wondered if I ever would. No dog would ever replace Nora’s presence, but then again that’s not really the point. In the early morning on the day I was picking up our new rescue dog Pepper, I looked out the window to find a family of deer in our backyard. Tears streamed down my face. I hadn’t seen any deer in a while.

A pretty wooden box in the living room of our house in Rhode Island holds Nora’s ashes.

I glanced at them as we packed up our things for the fall and winter to move up to Vermont, but I decided to leave them there. On a trip back to Rhode Island last week I took her ashes from our house and brought them back to Vermont. As I got into town around 2pm and pulled onto our street, I looked to my right. In the driveway of the house right before ours, there was a family of deer.

Since Pepper arrived, there have been deer in our yard most mornings. I find myself waking up early to make sure I don’t miss them. A few mornings ago there was a fawn so close to our front door I could probably reach out and touch it. I sat quietly in the window drinking my coffee. Some mornings it makes me smile, sometimes it makes me cry.

We got home from our walk the other day and I looked over to find Fuji and Pepper in the large basket bed together. Pepper was cleaning Fuji, something Nora spent much of her time doing when she was around. No dog can ever replace Nora or the connection I shared with her, but surely they can help keep her memory and spirit alive. The hardest part of having a soul dog is that one day they leave us, the best part is that the love lasts forever.

Pet Loss Resources and Keepsakes

Animal Communicator, Connect with Keao

Jane Pope Jewelry Nose Print Necklace

Pet Loss Support Hotline and Online Support Groups

Signs: The Secret Language of the Universe

On Grieving Our Pets

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14 Comments

  1. Laine wrote:

    Wow the tears flowed reading that. How beautifully written. Having been through this too, that first paragraph couldn’t describe the gut wrenching decision better. Congratulations on welcoming another puppy that needed a home!

    2.9.22 | Reply
  2. Erica wrote:

    I get chills every time you share a deer sighting. What a beautiful connection you an Nora had/have. How is Fuji doing with the new addition? Pepper is adorable and I hope she brings your family joy.

    2.9.22 | Reply
  3. Jennifer wrote:

    What a beautifully written tribute, Jess. It’s so very hard, isn’t it? We’re coming up on the 1 year anniversary of saying goodbye to our sweet, funny, best boy, and it still surprises me how close to the surface those tears are and what random thing can make them flow. Sending lots of love your way today.

    2.9.22 | Reply
  4. Jennifer wrote:

    Thank you. This might be my favorite of all your blog posts.

    Here is an option for friends and family that struggle with how to support someone that loses their soul pet. I received one a few years ago, and have since given several.

    http://www.thetreesremember.com

    ❤ ?

    2.9.22 | Reply
  5. Brittany wrote:

    Beautiful and relatable. I lost my soul dog last March, and the. my sister lost her soul dog in April. They were best buddies. I actually corresponded with you over Instagram. Your advice on caring for an ailing dog and home euthanasia was helpful and comforting. We too have signs – cardinals and bald eagles. Like you said, a soul dog’s love lasts forever. I truly believe that. Thank you for all that you share with your readers.

    2.9.22 | Reply
  6. Lyndsay wrote:

    You capture all of this so beautifully, I’m in tears right now because I know exactly how you feel. I hate that fact of course, for both of us and everyone who has suffered the loss of a soul pet. I lost my Mischa in 2018 and it is still painful. We waited about a year as well and also struggled with the question of when is the right time. I don’t think there is answer to that one. We’ll never be “ready”, but that’s like most things in life, ha. Congratulations on adding Pepper to the fam, the grooming is definitely another sweet sign from Nora!

    2.9.22 | Reply
  7. Serene wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! These posts about Nora always make me cry. I’m so excited to see more of Pepper joining the family! Will you be posting more photos/videos of Pepper and Fuji?!

    2.9.22 | Reply
  8. Melissa wrote:

    Thinking of you. Hearing of the deer and Pepper cleaning Fuji brought tears to my eyes. The sorrow and the joy are sometimes so intertwined but it is all love. Xo

    2.9.22 | Reply
  9. vex 6 wrote:

    Pepper is adorable!

    2.10.22 | Reply
  10. Kelly wrote:

    This means so much to me today. I found this post at a time when I needed to hear it. I know I will go back to it many times. I lost my soul cat, Chi, over the holidays and your post put words to what I am feeling. I will keep my eyes and heart open to the signs Chi sends us. I believe seeing this blog post might be the first one.

    2.11.22 | Reply
  11. Liza wrote:

    Thank you for sharing and you’re right, this can and does help others going through it too.

    2.13.22 | Reply
  12. krunker wrote:

    I have lost the dog that I love the most. It has been with me for a period of 5 years. We consider him as our family. That made me not want to have another pet.

    2.15.22 | Reply
  13. Jennifer Hayes wrote:

    I LOVE your blog. I am just starting my blog and really hope someday I can be as good as you.

    I will continue to watch you and learn from you.

    1.27.23 | Reply
  14. Melissa wrote:

    it’s been 9 months since I unexpectedly and suddenly lost my souk dog Rambo. I still can barely look at his pictures. I can’t talk or think about him without crying. my heart aches and I miss him so much it physically hurts. Today I finally looked through some pictures of him and told stories as I laughed & cried. I just don’t know. I miss him so much. I feel like we were cheated out of so many years together.

    10.22.23 | Reply

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