Is There A Sweet Spot Stage of Parenting?

This summer, I have found myself looking longingly at fellow parents in what they refer to as their “parenting sweet spot”. While I run around, 5 months pregnant after my 2-year-old toddler, trying to keep him from inhaling sand, drowning himself or throwing a shovel at a baby, they sit in their lounge chairs, easy smiles on their faces reading a book and looking up occasionally to check on their kids swimming and playing independently with friends and siblings.

It’s hard not to wish away these young parenting years when you can see a sense of ease and joy in the distant future. “Sweet spot parents” may lower their sunglasses and smile at your “adorable” toddler saying, “it goes by so quickly, enjoy it while it lasts” or “oh how I miss that.” You force a smile back muttering, “I’ll try,” as you struggle to your catch your child before they smack you right in the face. Really, do you miss it? You think, as you wonder how you will survive until nap time.

These recent conversations with parents of adolescent children, have gotten me thinking about the different stages of parenting and wondering if there is truly one sweet spot. Or is it possible that everyone finds their sweet spot of parenting in a different phase, based on their own personality and interests. Or could there possibly be more than one sweet spot of parenting for parents? Let’s not get too ahead of ourselves here!

Is There A Sweet Spot Stage of Parenting?

According to researcher Ellen Galinsky in, The Six Stages of Parenthood, there are 6 stages of parenting. Now parenting could be broken down and has been broken down in many different ways, but I like how Galinsky’s stages capture the main stages of childhood into adulthood specifically from a parents lens.

Stage 1: Image-Making (Pregnancy)

Pregnancy can be incredibly dreamy for some and incredibly miserable for others. Starting off this parenting adventure with a challenging pregnancy is no easy feat. But it does start to prepare you for the life-changing challenges ahead. Beginning to come to terms with the changes and responsibilities having a baby will bring and feeling the physical demands of this baby internally, is a very real way to show just how demanding these little humans are.

Stage 2: Nurturing (birth to 18-24 months)

Some may consider the baby years to be their sweet spot– nursing or bottle feeding, lots of cuddles and couch time and long walks in strollers. Others may find it their personal hell with the challenges of feeding the baby, sleep deprivation, an inability to communicate and all of the new challenges of sleep schedules, teething, introducing solids and beyond.

Stage 3: Authoritative (2-5 years)

This tends to be a popular phase to despise. While those toddlers can appear so gosh darn cute with their chubby little cheeks, cherub faces and sweet little voices, they can be a real challenge to deal with. As babies turn into toddlers, it is suddenly time for parents to begin to establish boundaries and rules. Toddlers still need so much from their parents, yet they want to do everything on their own.

They have a new sense of independence and autonomy that is not quite justified or safe. They want to test boundaries and limits. Tantrums are abundant and intense and feel endless. The days are long but the years are short they say… Yet there are those priceless moments where they cuddle up with you at night before bed while reading a story, say the gosh darn sweetest and funniest things and have such a sense of wonder, innocence and honesty about the world.

Stage 4: Interpretative (5 years-adolescence)

This is often the stage that many parents call their “sweet spot.” Stage 4 is post toddler years and pre-teen years, when both parents and children can enjoy a little more independence, while being able to communicate more effectively, relate to each other and do more interactive games and activities. Children in stage 4 will learn to take the perspective of others along with reading behaviors and learning to react accordingly or appropriately. Although this stage is not without its own challenges.

As children make their way through their elementary school years, they will begin learning to cope with changing peer dynamics and possible issues of bullying, peer-pressure and peer comparisons. It is hard during this phase as a parent not to always be able to intervene and protect your child. During this phase they must navigate many of these issues on their own and this is an important part of their development. Finding a balance between protecting and supporting your child and allowing them to explore and navigate the world on their own is one of the hardest parts of this phase.

Stage 5: Interdependence (during adolescence)

Another classically challenging phase for parents is stage 5- interdependence or the teenage years. Children are suddenly in a phase where they are given increased freedom and independence, while also still living under their parents roof and therefore their parents rules. Oftentimes, this is a rebellious stage for teens and this can cause a clash with parents. Hormones are rampant and tempers are high. This is a hot fiery stage and can cause a lot of turmoil for both teens and their parents. Some who find they connect with this age group may love this phase. They may enjoy that fiery-passionate teenage energy and love watching their children evolve into adults forming their own opinions and thoughts about life.

Stage 6: Departure (late adolescence to adulthood)

The final stage- departure is the one so many parents dread. As a parent of a current toddler, the thought of sending him off to college someday brings me to immediate tears. Yet, it is unavoidable and inescapable. Almost completely independent at this stage, except financially in most cases, teens and adults are thrown into the big bad world to fend for themselves. At this point, the relationship between parents and children may begin to change to a more equal playing field. This can be a challenging period for many parents. Parents who have put every part of themselves into parenthood may feel sad, lonely and lost during this period. This is why continuing to keep your identity as an individual throughout parenthood is so important. For some, it may be a relief and joy to see your children off in the world and exciting to begin to form this new bond as adults together.

No matter where you are in your parenting journey, there are sure to be both numerous challenges and joys. Each stage has its ups and downs and each child is different. We can all remember a particular time in our lives that was particularly challenging. Whether you are in the depths of the toddler years or about to send your young adult off to college, parenting is a journey. There’s always more excitement to come and more challenges to overcome. The rollercoaster of parenthood is never-ending and it’s worth trying to enjoy and endure the ups and downs along the way.

Have you had a parenting sweet spot? What part of parenthood has been the hardest for you so far? Please share in the comments, we’d love to discuss with you.