Comparison and Kindness During COVID
We are all going through an experience right now that’s testing us in ways we may have never thought possible. I would say it’s safe to assume most of us never anticipated we would go through a global pandemic in our lifetime. This is unchartered territory. I still struggle to wrap my brain around it. In some ways it has brought out the good in people, in other ways it’s brought out an ugliness. In recent weeks I’ve noticed a nastiness and an anger directed at one another that seems more often than usual. And in some ways I understand. There’s a lot of fear and isolation happening right now, and that can manifest in ugly ways. I know that when a person treats you poorly it says more about them than it does about you, but sometimes it still stings.
As I adjust to what my life looks like now as a mom I sometimes struggle with the feeling of not doing enough. I didn’t know what to expect from motherhood. It has surprised me in so many beautiful ways. I love it. But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I sometimes feel a wave of anxiety about not being able to do what I once was. As someone that has been in the business of blogging and social media for almost 6 years now, I’ve gotten really good at letting criticism roll off my back. For the most part I don’t worry about the small minority that has something nasty to say to me. I know not to fall into the comparison trap because what you see on social media is just a fraction of reality. And yet lately I sometimes find myself doing that.
I open Instagram to see how someone has done 7 days of workouts and I haven’t done any. How someone has cleaned and organized their entire house and mine is chaos. How someone is cranking out new content everyday when I haven’t found time to write a new post in a week. Some days I feel paralyzed. When I do find a free hour I don’t even know what to do with it. Do I shower? Do I clean? Do I work? Do I fold laundry? Do I sit outside and just do nothing? And then I feel bad for feeling bad. I am so lucky, I am so blessed, I am truly grateful, I am privileged. And I have nothing to complain about. I have everything I need during a time when so many are losing so much.
I love my life and I am so deeply grateful for this time with my baby. And I feel like she’s changing every day and it’s magical to witness. I had no idea I could get so excited over a baby squealing or discovering her hands, haha. I didn’t have a ton of expectations for what I would and could do when I had a baby, and yet I sometimes find myself still feeling disappointed in what I haven’t done. This is my livelihood and I’m lucky enough to say I love what I do for work. It has been hard at times to accept that sometimes I need to slow down, to accept this pace of life right now.
The truth is, I find pleasure in the simple things. My dogs, gardening , a walk on the trail behind our house to see the horses, trying a new recipe. My life is different with a baby but in many ways it’s actually very much the same. So my point is, if you’re struggling, it’s ok. We are all figuring this out as we go. It’s ok if you haven’t worked out. It’s ok if you haven’t baked a beautiful loaf of bread. (Who can even find flour these days?). It’s ok if there’s a pile of unfolded laundry. And it’s ok if you can’t get as much work done. It’s ok if you just feel uninspired sometimes. It’s ok if some days you realize it’s 3pm and you never got dressed. I’m choosing to focus on all the good, and spreading a little kindness wherever I can. After all, kindness is free. I hope you’re doing ok. I love you all. Thanks for being here.