38.

On Turning 38

Today is my 38th birthday. No extravagant plans, but lots of little fun things. Craig and I are going to do lunch and shopping at some point this week. My friend group is doing a night hike up Mt. Tom (there are many of us in Woodstock with birthdays this week/month- Sags always seem to find each other). I’m also getting mani/pedis with another friend from Rhode Island who moved to Vermont recently and has a birthday the day after mine. I’m stretching out the fun a little bit.

I’ve been reflecting a lot about the last few years as I approach this birthday. At 35 I got pregnant. At 36 I had a baby. And then shortly after was the beginning of Covid. At 37 we moved to Vermont. There’s been some major highs and lows over those last few years. At 38, it feels like the dust is beginning to settle.

I am settling into motherhood (kind of, lol). I’m settling into life in a new place. I’m settling into deeper friendships. And I’m settling into enjoying life at a slower pace. For so long I’ve continually chased the next big thing. I’ve subscribed to hustle culture and the belief that there’s no such thing as too much success. But life lately has shown me that there is beauty in rest.

I’m in a transitional period of my life right now.

It’s forcing me to have patience with myself. As I unlearn habits and behaviors that I’ve had for years I am shedding the layers of limiting beliefs I’ve held about what brings me happiness and fulfillment.

This quote from a recent James Clear newsletter really stuck with me:

“Power is influence over external events.

Peace is influence over internal events.”

At 38, maybe the best lesson I’m learning is how to use my power and protect my peace at the same time.  I’m choosing how I want to show up in life for myself and others. I couldn’t possibly ask for a better gift.